I started actively weaning Ari a few weeks into this pregnancy. He was almost two, nursing was painful while pregnant, and I wanted to be done nursing him before baby #2 arrives. (Some women choose to tandem nurse their toddler and newborn, and while it is perfectly safe and fine to do so, it was not my preference.) Now, after two years, three months, and nine days of nursing - and no nursing for three days - I think I can say he is weaned.
Let me start at the beginning though. As in, July 9, 2009. Ari was born at 7:05pm, at 36 weeks, via c-section. I got to see him for a few seconds and then they whisked him off to the NICU because he had a spell of apnea during his exam. I didn't get to see him again, hold him, or try to nurse for him about 5 hours. Anything you read about breastfeeding will tell you this is a less than ideal start; you want to try to get baby to nurse within an hour of birth.
Ari fortunately was healthy overall; he didn't have any more apnea spells. He could maintain his temperature on his own. The problem was that he was so sleepy. Due to being a newborn, due to the meds they had given me in the 24 hours before his birth, and due to jaundice, this little man would not wake up to eat. He had an IV of sugar water for the first 24 hours to try to help flush his system of the medication. After a day and a half or so, the NICU pediatrician said we needed to start feeding him either via bottle or nose tube. My milk had not come in yet, although I had colostrum (it took five days, that can be typical with surgical birth). Well, for one, I knew enough about breastfeeding to know that we shouldn't introduce a bottle this early, and for two, I don't think he would have woken up long enough to eat from it anyway.
We opted for the nose tube, as sad as it was to see it in his tiny face. We had to supplement with formula as his weight was dropping and my milk was taking its time (I was pumping round the clock every 2-3 hours, so he also got the colostrum that I pumped). He was in the NICU for nine exhausting, somewhat traumatic days. Many of the NICU nurses were the opposite of helpful when it came to me trying to breastfeed; some of the LCs were helpful, but they were also only available during the day. Nurses would continually give him pacis with sugar water - not helpful for a baby who barely has energy to nurse for five minutes, for him to expend all that energy on pacis. I rarely felt like they listened to our questions or concerns or took us seriously as parents. Honestly, I didn't feel like a parent; the way we were treated, he didn't feel like *mine.* The whole experience definitely prolonged our initial bonding.
Night time feedings were the hardest, emotionally, for me; trying to keep him awake, trying to get him to latch and suck for the "appropriate" amount of time, with no help from nurses or LCs. Sean was my lifesaver these frustrating nights, getting up every feeding with me to try to help. Around day 5 my milk came in and he also finally started to wake more reliably to nurse. He was born at 5lb7oz and when we left the hospital nine days later, he was around 5lb2oz. He got down to just barely over 5lb, so when we left he had started to gain again, which is what they were waiting for before recommending that he go home.
Even after we got home, everything was harder than I imagined. After being on bed rest so long, I felt like I was hit by a truck every day for several weeks just trying to adjust to being active enough to care for baby and myself. The c-section itself healed quickly, but recovery from bed rest was hard. I found that having ginormous boobs meant nursing always took two hands, I always had to position my breast with one hand and hold it the entire time he nursed. Made it hard to do anything else but watch TV while he nursed - couldn't hold a book, etc. However, for me, whether or not to breastfeed was never a choice. I was breastfed until over the age of two, and I always knew I would nurse my kids. I hated nursing in those first few weeks; his tongue tie made his latch painful and my nipples were sore for far longer than I thought they would be. (Although I am grateful I never had any bleeding/cracking etc.) I had a bad case of hormonal "baby blues" that finally started to list around 4-6 weeks. At this point I stopped *hating* breastfeeding, but I didn't like it either. It wasn't until around 3 months post partum that I felt much better, nursing didn't hurt anymore, and I looked forward to feeding my baby.
I'm happy to say it was pretty smooth sailing after that. I had a couple of plugged ducts but that was about it as far as challenges. Nursing in public was a little challenging as he refused to nurse under a blanket or cover (and I didn't have a third hand anyway, since as I mentioned nursing always took two hands), but we adjusted and learned how to nurse discreetly without one. I'm happy to say I never experienced anyone being rude to us about nursing in public. Things I loved about nursing included the sweet milk coma face afterward, the smiles and giggles at the breast, the fact that it could calm him down always. Oh, and that my tiny 36 weeker quadrupled his birth weight in the first year!
I knew we would minimally follow the AAP recommendation of one year minimum of breastfeeding. I also knew I would be ok with him nursing longer- which turned out to be a good thing, because he not only didn't like cow's milk after he turned a year old, but he had a bit of an intolerance to dairy. I knew that the WHO (World Health Organization) recommended a minimum of two years of breastfeeding, as breastmilk is still so beneficial for a child's developing brain and immune system during this time. I also knew he needed some type of mammal milk until he was at least two, and he wouldn't drink cow's milk. So, no worries, we continued on.
We had intended to wait until he was 2.5-3 years old before we tried for another baby, but we were surprised earlier than that; I found out I was pregnant shortly before he turned two. I knew I wanted him to wean before next baby arrived. He often slept through the night at this point but when he did wake he would want to nurse, so we started with Sean taking over the nights and completely night weaning. After a few weeks he was used to that so I slowly started cutting out day time sessions. A month before he turned two, he still nursed 6-8 times in 24 hours (5-6 during the day, more if he woke at night). We slowly took it down to three times a day, and then two times, and then only at bed time, over the first four months of my pregnancy. When we initially cut out "extra" day time sessions (mid morning, mid afternoon), he was definitely upset. Even though he didn't tantrum too much, he became extremely clingy for a couple of weeks while he adjusted. I just gave him lots of extra snuggles whenever he wanted, since that is what he needed. He is still super snuggly all day long and that's ok with me!
Last week, he suddenly and randomly decided to start falling asleep all by himself at nap time. And this week, three nights ago, he did the same at bed time, and stopped asking for milk. My supply has been gone for weeks and that didn't dissuade him initially, so I am not sure what happened in his little head. But something clicked, and I imagine even if he asks for milk at some point in the future, he won't be too disappointed if I deny him.
Finally, I just want to mention that Sean has been the most amazing support throughout our entire breastfeeding journey. It would have been so much more difficult to accomplish without him and I was so grateful every day for how much he cared and helped. Women who have husbands that are not supportive of breastfeeding are much less likely to succeed long term - thankfully I never had to worry about that!
I'll end with the only breastfeeding photo I have (I'm sad there is only one, we will do better with next baby!). We were nursing on the beach in San Diego in October 2010, a year ago - it was awesome and beautiful to snuggle and breastfeed right next to the ocean.
