Post Partum Depression/Anxiety Sucks

People don't tend to talk about this stuff. But it's a sickness like any other. If I'm chronically ill for a period of time, I'm going to want friends and family to know what's going on. Technically, any episodes of diagnosable anxiety or depression within the first year of baby's life is labeled "post partum" but I have had issues with this in the past before becoming a mother as well - which just makes it more likely to happen to me now. So for the past few weeks, this has been what's going on with me. I did talk to my midwife/naturopath and am getting some treatment, but I can't tell a difference yet. Hopefully I will start feeling better in the next couple of weeks; if not, we will try the next step as far as treatment.

I'm not particularly asking for help or sympathy - mostly just for understanding, if I don't seem like myself. I am not too surprised that I am feeling like this, since we have a lot of stressors right now, and in the past my anxiety has often had environmental/situational triggers.

From webmd: http://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/understanding-postpartum-depression-symptoms

There are many possible symptoms of postpartum depression, including the following [the ones I experience are in bold]:

• Inability to sleep or sleeping a lot  
• Change in appetite  
• Extreme concern and worry about the baby or a lack of interest or feelings for the baby  
• Feeling unable to love the baby or your family  
• Anger toward the baby, your partner, or other family members  
• Anxiety or panic attacks  
• Fear of harming your baby; these thoughts may be obsessive, and you may be afraid to be left alone in the house with your baby.  
• Irritability  
• Sadness or excessive crying  
• Difficulty concentrating or remembering  
• Feelings of doubt, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, or restlessness  
• Lethargy or extreme fatigue  
• Loss of interest in hobbies or other usual activities  
• Mood swings marked by exaggerated highs and lows  
• Feeling emotionally numb  
• Numbness or tingling in your arms or legs  
• Hyperventilating  
• Frequent calls to the pediatrician with an inability to be reassured  
• Recurrent thoughts of death, which may include thinking about or even planning suicide  
• Obsessive-compulsive thoughts and behaviors that are intrusive

5 Months

Avery turned five months a few days ago. He is such a sweet, happy guy. He brings us so much joy! At 5 months, he has lots of bumps in his mouth but no teeth yet. He drools rivers on some days (normal, I know, but weird because Ari never drooled). He can roll both ways and do great push ups. I think when he is on his belly he is even trying to scoot a little bit. He actually spends a lot of time on his tummy and seems to like it the majority of the time. He still tries to sit up but I think he stopped working as hard on it in favor of concentrating on his rolling skills.

He slept really well between 3 and 4 months old, then not so much. However since he started rolling, we have discovered he is a stomach sleeper. I was reluctant to let him sleep like that except when I was awake and could watch him, but after doing some reading, I guess it's ok once they can roll by themselves. So we stopped swaddling his arms, and the past two nights he has rolled right on his belly when we put him down and we left him like that. And last night, for the first time in about 6 weeks, he slept for 6.5 hours straight! Ahhh glorious sleep.

Avery loves his big brother, he loves to be tickled and "flown" around, he loves to nurse, and he loves to roll around on the floor and play with his toys. He likes his bouncer a lot too although he mostly just plays with the toys and doesn't bounce much yet. I can't believe in just another month, we can start giving him solid foods. This time has gone by so fast!

Five month photos. Some of his hair has fallen out and it's hard to tell, but I think the stuff growing back in is a lot lighter. I can definitely see some blonde in there. We'll see in the next few months!

3 Years Old

My baby boy is three already! He will be in kinder before we know it. Let's see, at 3 years old....

Ari likes:
- reading books
- watching Curious George and several other shows
- playing outside
- swimming
- playing make believe
- snuggling his baby brother
- snuggling mom and dad
- doing arts and crafts, especially painting
- counting and learning ABCs. He can count to about 15, and knows about half the alphabet by sight
- writing his name, and learning how to write new letters
- throwing and kicking any kind of ball
- most food - he usually asks for chicken and broccoli, or hot dogs.
- making messes
- helping to vacuum and mop
- being a "helper" in general - with laundry, or helping dad fix stuff, whatever.

Ari does not like:
- being quiet while his brother falls asleep
- being quiet.... ever.
- tomatoes or lettuce or eggs
- getting ready for bed
- being in the car
- picking up his toys


Ari picked Peter Piper Pizza for his birthday party, and Curious George as the theme. All of his cousins came to his party, as well as Nana and Papa and his aunts, plus a couple of his friends (my friend Jami's kids). He got to make his own pizza, ride the carousel a couple times, eat a cupcake, and play tons of games - what 3 year old could ask for anything more??